Eye Contact – 8 Reasons Someone Might Avoid Eye Contact When Speaking To You
Eye contact is an important body language sign. Why do some people maintain eye contact while others can’t even look you in the eyes for more than a couple of seconds?
I am fascinated with human behavior and I observe how people act around me. Lately, I’ve noticed that some people can’t look me in the eye when talking to me. This behavior intrigues me, and I am curious if it is because they aren’t interested in speaking to me?
So, I’ve researched and also came up with the reasons as to why I don’t look some people in the eyes to understand why they can’t look me in the eyes. There are a few reasons as to why someone might not be making eye contact when talking to you.
Why Don’t People Make Eye Contact When Talking to You?
#1 Reason for No Eye Contact – Social Anxiety
I can speak from personal experience on this one. When I had social anxiety, it was very difficult for me to look some people in the eyes. It made me panic and my blood pressure rise. It had nothing to do with the person but with the social anxiety.
During this time, even if I was talking to a close friend and I looked them in the eyes I could feel my blood pressure rise and I’d start to panic. This normally doesn’t happen to me especially with friends, so I knew it was social anxiety.
Many people have a difficult time looking others in the eyes when they have social anxiety. They are already feeling vulnerable and then on top of that looking someone in the eyes is like the ultimate vulnerability.
Eyes are the window to the soul. So, people with social anxiety will have a difficult time maintaining eye contact. It has nothing to do with you but just their social anxiety kicking in.
#2 Reason for No Eye Contact – They Like You
Sometimes you may think someone doesn’t like you when they don’t look you in the eyes, but it can be because they REALLY like you. They might get nervous around you and not want you to see their eyes because it may show their true feelings.
Eyes can show us what people think of us without even realizing it. Our pupils get bigger around someone we like and in low light. Bigger pupils are sexier and they can draw someone to you. This happens on a subconscious level. It is a way of showing someone you like them without actually saying it. It is like a subtle hint that your body is portraying without even realizing it.
If you really like someone it can be difficult to look them in the eyes. You might be afraid that you will say something stupid that you will regret. You might feel powerless and can’t control what comes out of your mouth, so you avoid eye contact.
#3 Reason for No Eye Contact – They Aren’t Interested in What You Are Saying
If someone isn’t interested in you or what you are saying their eyes might scan the room to look for something more interesting to engage in. If someone seems distracted (but not nervous) then they might just not be interested in speaking with you or interested in what you are saying.
This doesn’t mean that you are boring. It could just be that they aren’t interested in that certain topic. Or perhaps they have something else on their mind, so they are having a difficult time being interested in what you are saying and therefore distracted by other things going on around them.
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#4 Reason for No Eye Contact – You Aren’t Visually Appealing
This one isn’t meant to come across as though you aren’t good-looking. It’s just that different people have unique tastes in what they find attractive.
We have a harder time maintaining eye contact with people who we don’t find visually appealing. I don’t mean that you have to think someone is hot to look at them. But if they have a feature you really don’t like, or you just don’t find them very appealing it will be more difficult to maintain eye contact with them. People like looking at things they find attractive.
#5 Reason for No Eye Contact – Low Self Esteem
This one goes with social anxiety, but if someone has low self-esteem, they will have difficulty maintaining eye contact. Someone with low self-esteem isn’t confident enough to maintain long periods of eye contact. They may think that you don’t care what they are saying so they will avoid eye contact because they don’t feel important enough.
#6 Reason for No Eye Contact – They Are Hiding Something
If someone is hiding something or lying about something, they will have a difficult time looking you in the eyes. This is not the case for everyone though. There are some people who lie and hide things that can still maintain good eye contact.
They avoid eye contact because they are worried you will see right through them and know that what they are saying isn’t the truth. Since eyes really do show you into someone’s soul, they know this and feel guilty so avoid eye contact. If someone doesn’t feel guilty though, they will be able to hold eye contact because even though they are hiding something they don’t feel bad about it.
#7 Reason for No Eye Contact – They Are Having a Bad Day
Sometimes people can be going through something or just be having a bad day, so they avoid eye contact. Maybe they don’t want to look someone in the eyes because they know they will start crying.
I’ve been in the position of avoiding eye contact with a friend when I was having an emotional day. I didn’t want to burst into tears. It was easier to not look at them and maintain control over my emotions than to have them see I was upset or to ask me what was wrong and have me burst into tears.
Also, people just don’t have any interest in speaking with someone sometimes if they are having a bad day. They are dealing with their own problems and avoid eye contact, so they don’t have to talk to someone if they really aren’t into it that day.
#8 Reason for No Eye Contact – They Don’t Want You to Think They Like You or Come Across as Flirty
People of the opposite sex sometimes won’t maintain eye contact because they are worried that you will think they are flirting. They don’t want you to get the wrong idea or think that they are flirting in any way. So, they will avoid eye contact with you.
*UPDATE – #9 & #10 have been added since the original post. *
#9 – They Have Autism or Asperger’s
I am not as familiar with Autism and Asperger’s, but through my research, I’ve come across reports that confirm individuals with autism are less likely to maintain eye contact. The reports say it is uncomfortable and stressful, but do not indicate whether it is due to a neurological cause or because of the social situation.
#10 – They Feel Guilty
If someone feels guilty about something (even if they didn’t do anything wrong), they will have a more difficult time maintaining eye contact. They feel bad and will probably have a hard time looking you in the eyes.
Just as a little kid may look down and feel guilty when an adult is getting mad, an adult may do the same thing. They feel ashamed and probably won’t be looking you in the eyes.
Final Thoughts – Why Someone Might Avoid Looking You In The Eyes While Speaking with You
There can be many reasons why someone won’t make eye contact when having a conversation with you. It definitely doesn’t mean they don’t like you; it can be a variety of reasons. You have to consider the circumstances and your relationship with that person. They may just have a crush on you, and you have no idea!
~Meghan
Interested in learning more about body language? Check out the book ‘Body Language – Quick & Easy‘ by Richard Webster.
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Thanks so much for your support, I truly appreciate it!
I can make eye contact easily, EXCEPT if someone is sitting across from me and we’re not talking. Then I am very uncomfortable. I think I’m afraid of them seeing the real me. The real me is the one no one sees (I hope). She’s shameful, despicable and shouldn’t be allowed to live. Yes, quite unfortunate that I have that hiding deep inside me.
Hi Terry, even though I don’t know you I believe there’s something great about you and you absolutely deserve to live. If you didn’t deserve to then you’d be gone. I can understand how it’s awkward to look someone in they eye if you aren’t talking. I believe the real you has some beautiful qualities that other people would love to see and get to know you💛
~Meghan
Hi
My bf has Asperger’s syndrome and he’s almost 69 years old. As he’s gotten older I’ve noticed that he doesn’t look at me when he’s talking. It’s really odd behavior but it goes with the autism personality.
Thanks for sharing Dina 🙂
Hey Meghan,
I’m so grateful to have found this article. I hope you can give me further insight.
About a year and a half ago, I started a new job. I found a manager (Same-gender) , which I will call “ A” very attractive , yet rude and unapproachable. Although “A” treated me poorly, I still found “ A” physically attractive. “ A” and I would often glance at each other from far , but when it came to close contact “A” would treat me poorly and avoid eye contact. I then decided to avoid “A” at all cost until recently.
“A” has become more nice to me recently. I’m not sure why. “A” glances at me far away, but when it comes to close contact or in passing “A” doesn’t make eye contact or when “A” says hello first, “A” looks down.
I’m usually super aware of trying not to make anyone uncomfortable being the reason why I avoided “A” after the harsh treatment, but now “A” is talking to me , yet doesn’t look me in the eye? I’m confused! Help. She I continue to avoid “A” ?
Hi Alex,
Do you think any of the points in the article could be the reason for A not making eye contact? How does A act around other people, is it similar or does A also not make eye contact with others? I’d maybe pay attention to that and then gauge where to go from there.
~Meghan
You forget the most important one. Cultural differences…some cultures, don’t make eye contact as a rule … it’s rude. I am Sicangu Lakota and o would never dare make constant eye contact…it forms misunderstandings but it’s who I am .
I can’t make eye contact when talking with someone, mostly it’s hard when they talk not me, I literally cannot understand a word, my brain tunes out, when I look away the meanings of the words come back to me almost immediately (like in couple of words/seconds), I forget a language completely, it’s been my whole life like that, I’m 31 now. I don’t get any anxiety or panic, well maybe get a little uncomfortable but not too much, the problem is that I can’t understand what they’re saying, the volume goes down, I’m in some bubble, the voice in the distance I can hear it but useless. What is wrong with me?
I have the same issue. I have CPTSD and PTSD.. It’s probably trauma. The anxiety of rejection and / or subterfuge, esteem, etc.
I listen to the crappy childhood fairy.
I have the same issue. I have CPTSD and PTSD.. It’s probably trauma. The anxiety of rejection and / or subterfuge, esteem, etc.
I listen to the crappy childhood fairy and do EMDR work.
I agree with shawn, though i’d like to add it sounds like disassociation caused by PTSD, and it could be caused by you being an unwitting mind control subject which involves technology and witchcraft. please examine your past memories, the clues are there. i know exactly what you mean about not being able to understand spoken words, it’s happened to me once i can remember. another time a cop assaulted me and caused me not to be able to move and forced me to speak from my subconscious, or something was speaking through me. it hurt the lower part of my brain so much. since they have not gone overt on you yet, let me offer some advice: turn to God NOW and follow his commandments if you are not already. “They” want you to sin so that they can have legal right to hijack your body, mind and soul. This is not a joke and i speak from experience.
Tell me more about this
I purposely will try to avoid eye contact if the other person keeps staring at me and I think they’re creepy. I used to stare back to try to figure out what their deal is, but them I read some articles that said to avoid eye contact with people you’re not interested in them. As much as it might be a temptation, when you’re walking away from them do not look back, because that indicates interest. Now….if the creep is following you and you might end up in an isolated area, glance back quickly to see
where they are, so you can take evasive action or a defensive position such as deciding whether or not to reach for your gun.
Great tips Linda! 🙌 It’s important to know these things to keep us safe. Thanks for sharing.
why wont a man of 66 years old tell me he not interested in me he cant look straight in my eyes to tell me what would the main reasons be
Hi Kathy, it’s difficult to pinpoint without knowing the situation more closely. Regardless of age, anyone can have trouble with eye contact. It might be easier for him to express how he feels by not looking you in the eyes. When someone knows that their response will hurt another, it can be more difficult to maintain eye contact.
Got to understand much through the description mentioned. My employee (Girl), 20 years younger to me has the same problem. She keeps looking at me when I am speaking with someone, but when I look at her she remove her eye from me. We talk a lot on What’s App daily and she freely talks to me almost 3-4 hours a day and never noticed she is unwilling in talking to me or I am boring her. She enjoys the conversation, but her answers normally are yes or no but some times writes in a good manner.
I was unable to know what’s in her mind so I proposed her but things turned out very negative and she said she considers me as father figure, I had to somehow accept that I also finds her as my daughter. We began to talk again. Things became normal and I started flirting again. One month later I again proposed her and she reacted in same manner. But she still responds to my interests to wear certain dress or share few pictures of her very often.
Recently, I inquired why she is not maintaining eye contact and she responded that she herself don’t know or understand her behaviour, but committed that she does this. She also committed that may be I proposed her so she is unable to retain contact.
Kindly help
Hi A.K, thanks for sharing your comment. Do you think that she feels uncomfortable expressing herself and maintaining eye contact at work? I’m not sure if you’ve hung out outside of work but if so, have you noticed a difference? If she is at work when this is going on, that might cause some discomfort, especially if there are other people around. She might feel like other people are watching which could cause some discomfort. It’s just one possibility out of many.
And seriously, Meghan! You do understand what a power dynamic is, right? The man is her boss. She has to pretend to be friendly. It’s so disgusting.
Gross. You should not be calling or texting any employee outside of work. She’s obviously uncomfortable but needs the job and is trying to maintain civility with you when you are so clearly out of bounds. Stop it.
Hi Meghan, I would like to share my ongoing experience with one of my best friends. I have problem to look into his eyes although we’ve been friends for almost 7 years. I think I am not comfortable around him. I think the problem starts since early of friendship. To be honest, I don’t really like how he always brag about himself and it is a major turnoff for me. To make things worst, he is also my housemates for almost 4 years. At the beginning of friendship, he always criticised me for having bad manners in a rude way and I was hurt from the way he treated me. I tried to forgive him but I just can’t hide my feelings anymore if he gave me the same treatment for years. Living together with him for years made me annoyed by everything he does day by day. I hate when he sings loudly, whistling and slam the doors to close it. I don’t know whether my ears are just sensitive or I just hate him for whatever he did at the moment. Along the course of our friendship, he actually become a better person like not rudely criticising me as before and I am thankful for that. The only thing that annoys me nowadays just when he bragged about himself unintentionally and made me feel inferior-I guess envy/jealousy is common in friendship and you have to deal with it. Apart from negative things I shared above, we also had many of good memories together like travelling, cooking, studying etc (too many to list). We also always shared some of problems and family stories to each other but whenever we’re having conversations, I still can’t look him into the eyes till nowadays, therefore I am not sure whether it was just social anxiety, feeling inferior, trust issue, or I just dislike him. I am straight so there is no issue of falling in love with him. I admit that I am socially awkward to those who I meet for the first time but I can maintain eye contact with other best friends except him. Just now, I overheard he was talking to his friend about how awkward I behave when we’re having conversation. He said that I usually talk to him with side to side position instead of opposite position and I could not look him into the eyes and it was awkward even though we’ve been friends for a long time. I think this friendship never really began. I think we are annoyed of each other and secretly hate each other but we just don’t want to admit it. It made me exhausted and anxious because I need to encounter him every single day.
Thanks for sharing AZ. Please don’t let him make you feel less than or inferior and know that it is ok if you can’t look him in the eyes (for whatever reason it may be). I wish you the best in your relationship with him & moving forward.
Glad to see you added autism there at the end, was worried it wouldn’t show up. I can’t speak for all autistic people, but for me personally, there’s a couple of reason I’m not a fan of eye contact.
First and foremost is that it feels a lot like your description of social anxiety, looking into people’s eyes makes me feel like I’m staring them down or visa versa and it freaks me out. If I’m forced to look into a person’s eyes (like my stepdad forced me to do), my mind goes blank and I shift into raw panic, I can’t think anymore and it’s honestly really uncomfortable. I’d even go so far as to say it’s *physically* painful.
I also don’t understand why eye contact is important in the first place, to be honest, it comes off to me like saying you can’t see with earplugs in. What about eye contact is necessary to communicate? I tend to communicate mostly through text and I very rarely have miscommunications, but when I talk to ‘normal’ people (which I think are generally referred to as neurotypical), they always act like I’m saying more than I really am, like I’m low key trying to insult them or something. It’s bizarre.
I’ve also read somewhere that the part of our brain dedicated to facial recognition has basically been repurposed for other tasks. An example of this is the “reading the mind in the eyes” test, one of the common methods used to make a diagnosis. The idea is that you’re presented with pictures of people’s eyes and four words, and you have to choose the word that most accurately describes what the person is feeling. Supposedly when neurotypical people take the test, they see something I don’t and can pick out a lot of information from just a person’s eyes, but to me, they all looked either bored or irritated.
Unfortunately, since most people aren’t very familiar with autism, most people assume that when I don’t look them in the eyes, it’s because I’m being dishonest or don’t care, but that thought doesn’t even occur to me. It makes finding work very difficult, as a lot of these unspoken social rules that normies just *know* aren’t apparent to us at all. Since we can’t figure out what your faces are supposedly communicating, I think we tend to overanalyze everything else like tone and body position and other such things, and it takes a while to figure out how each individual’s moods are tied to their actions.
Also sorry for leaving a second comment but I don’t see a way to edit my first one. If you’re curious about the reading the mind in the eyes test, you can actually take it yourself here: http://kgajos.eecs.harvard.edu/mite/#
Thanks for your comment and insights Nemo!
No problem, I hope it was informative. A lot of people think autism means we’re slow or that we act like children. I just want to dispel the myths, y’know? c:
I asked a man ive bine talking to for 4 months if he was interested in me he was very polite but never looked in my eye when telling me he wasn’t interested and im not is type I can understand im fat lost 60 pounds but that doesn’t matter to him im still fat which I thought was strange he has always look into me eyes when we talked other times help me please
If he’s calling you fat, he’s probably not someone you’ll want to spend your life with, to be honest. Not to be a jerk or anything, but that’s a really dumb thing to dislike someone over :\ You should look for someone who loves you for *you* and not for how much or little you weigh.
If you really *really* like this guy though, all I can really offer advice wise is just stay friends for now. See how things go. He may change his mind later down the road, or may just not be into a relationship at the moment and is just looking for an excuse to avoid it.
Hi Kelly, he may have been a bit uncomfortable as many people can be when talking about feelings. I’d say to give him some time to process what happened. He may be able to talk about and look you in the eyes again after he sorts it out in his mind. If you are friends then he may want to talk about it more later.
Good for you for losing 60 pounds, that is an amazing accomplishment! You should be very proud of yourself.
I also think that it takes courage to ask someone how they feel about you. So you should give yourself credit for that as well regardless of how it went.
Nemo I am sorry that you are having trouble with job interviews but you are absolutely correct in saying that eye contact makes a huge impact on an interview. The person that is interviewing you subconsciously looks for clues that you are excited to work there and that you are interested in them and what they have to say. For people that don’t have autism it is usually seen by how they are looking at the interviewer…you mentioned that you over think the body language to compensate..that is kind of what non autistic people do only by looking at the speakers facial expressions and eyes. It also helps the speaker know if the listener is following what they are saying, not getting bored, wants to interject or ask a question. I think people get hung up on the actual eye to eye contact when in reality a good listener is changing his focus every few seconds. A few seconds of eye contact, then staring slight!y above the speakers head to picture what the speaker is saying, then glancing at their hand gestures, the at the floor to process the info, ECT. It is very awkward to hold constant eye contact and it will make the speaker very uncomfortable. No eye contact or very little eye contact makes the speaker feel like they are not Interesting enough or that the person they are talking to does not like them. I think that the people you mentioned that seem to feel like you low key insulted them really do feel that way because it is common for non autistic people to avoid eye contact with people they dislike so when you speak to them they are assuming that you don’t like them therefore you must be trying to insult them in some way. I know that autism is private health information and you shouldn’t have to tell anyone your business but…if you told an interviewer immediately that you have autism and that when you are super focused on a conversation you tend to not make eye contact with the speaker I promise the interviewer will be much more relaxed knowing that you aren’t bored. That would also work.with anyone else you talk to. If you want to keep your autism private then you could just say something like ” people have told me that I don’t look at them when they are talking and I want to let you know that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in what you are saying it just means that I’m focused on what your saying and don’t notice where I’m looking”. Its a shame that people don’t understand and you shouldn’t have to make them feel better but it is what it is. Also, I don’t know if it is helpful but you may be able to pretend eye contact by looking at different facial features or their hair ECT. I’m not sure if that would be comfortable for you but if you could look at their nose for a few second, then their fire head, then hands then TBE floor then the wall behind them then repeat over and over? It would be weird at first but overtime you get use to it. I don’t have autism but I have felt awkward for holding eye contact for more than a few seconds so I have mastered the change in focus over the years. Good luck!
Thank you for your post! I’m a widow and he is a widower. He was married to my best friend. He has never really looked at me or tried to carry a conversation with me while he was married to my BF. However, we’ve been in social events of late, where we have been around each other and he looked at me and tried to carry on a conversation with me, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him. It’s awkward. Now, the last time I saw him, he wouldn’t look at me. I’m thinking he isn’t interested in me now or maybe he never was.
Thanks for your comment Rhonda! Have you noticed if he acts different around you than he does around other people? I hope you receive the clarity you seek.
I don’t know what to think Meghan about this guy. He is my brother in law and we see each other in family events and He acts very indifferent with me, We have been related for 16 years but these last couple years I have noticed something strange. We left the church where we grew up and we don’t see much anymore like before. He and his wife were not happy when we left so there are some hard feelings. These last 2 years things are different, when we see each other, I don’t talk to him much but He always try to reach out to me in each event for a bit of time (He says something to me). Sometime He tease me, and He laugh and He look a bit rude. This past Thanksgiving He came to me to explain why He got there late (I didnt even ask Him ), He just came to me and told me but while He was telling me He couldnt keep eye contact with me, just a bit and He was doing something on the phone. The last family event He saw me looking at some of grandmas’ books (His mom passed away few years ago) and He came to ask me if I found anything I liked to read, but the whole time short conversation he didn’t have eye contact with me….He was just taking about books and He left. I am married to his brother but I would like to know why is He acting like this. I haven’t doing anything that making to believe that I like Him, my theory is that is he doesn’t care to look at me because He has bad manners and He likes to tease people to look good himself. He is a very confident men and that’s why I think He doent’t respect when I talk to him
Hi Ely, thanks for the comment. It’s hard to know without being in the situation. But from what I can see is that it started you mentioned when you left the church? My thoughts are that it had something to do with that since that is when it started. Can you perhaps talk to them about their feelings about that to try to get to the bottom of it so you can all move forward?
Great article!
Researching public opinion on this topic because it is something I personally struggle with. I literally won’t even wear my glasses because I don’t like seeing people stare at me….
But I’ve noticed mine was more of a trauma response after, going through some tough things my body language just became more closed off. I’m personally happy with it because I’m mostly an introvert but I do know that it can make other people feel offput when you won’t look at them. So I’ve committed to working on it.
But reason #11 PTSD lol
Thanks for your comment April and for sharing. That is another one to add to the list! I wish you all the best.
Hi! Hope you can help me analyze my situation. So there’s this guy at the office whom i though likes me (we don’t talk with each other by the way). He used to look at me like a LOT. But now when i try to make eye contact he won’t even look at me and just pretend he has something on his phone. Does it mean he’s not interested in me anymore? And he never added me on social media. TIA
Hi, thanks for the comment. It’s hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Do you think he’s shy? People sometimes go to their phones in social situations when they are shy. Of course this isn’t always the case but it can be a coping mechanism.
Well, ok so I have a crush on a boy in my class and he sits next to me, I do catch him looking at me but then he looks away like nothing happened, like he just casually glanced at me. I’m really nervous around him so I don’t look at him in the eyes or talk to him because I’m shy too. This one day I was on my phone minding my own business and he jokingly asked if I was playing Mario Kart and smiled so I laughed and said no, a couple days later he was on his phone and I asked him the same thing but he didn’t seem interested in talking to me and didn’t even look at me, I’m too scared to try to talk to him again because I think he’ll just do the same thing. Do you have any advice or anything because I don’t know what to do.
P.S. He is nice to me but he’s nice to everyone too so I don’t know.
Thanks for your comment Hannah. Do you think maybe he’s a little shy too? Maybe that’s why he didn’t seem interested in talking, he was being shy and maybe caught off guard? Because it sounds like he’s interested if he went out of his way to talk to you first and if you catch him glancing at you. Was he around a group of people or alone? If he was in a group, maybe he’s more comfortable talking when he’s alone. Or if he was alone, maybe he is more comfortable talking in a group. Just some things to think about.
I think you’re talking about me.
I’m sorry I couldn’t speak to you, I have really bad social anxiety even tho I might not show it but I really like you and I want to meet up sometime when no one else is around. I have been thinking about you all time since I noticed you.
Awh this thread is so cute I UwU.
I have a particular scenario. I know this guy and I see him as a friend. Initially he was really sweet and attentive and we’d talk , however that changed. Now he barely looks at me and I feel like I’m always the one putting in effort in being his friend. I’m not sure what I did but now he barely looks at me whenever I’m around and makes it a point of talking to everyone but me… what did I do?
I’ve tried to think if I perhaps sent “attracted to them” vibes but I am just an overall friendly person so idk…Pls help cause i think hes really sweet but it feels awkward.
Thanks for your comment Sara. Think back to when things changed. Did anything change in your life at that time or in his life? You may not have did anything wrong, so please don’t blame yourself! Something may have happened for him that changed how he is acting.
Let’s start from the beginning, me and my friends are managers for a sport and there’s this guy on the team and he always comes up like he’s about to talk to us and then he just stands there and walks with us but doesn’t say anything. We have no idea what this means and we’ve obviously looked it up because I’m posting on this website right now so we need some help. Also we will start a conversation with him and he cannot look at us in the eyes either one of us. Please help!
To me it sounds like he’s shy. It seems like he wants to say something and gets the courage to go up to you but once he does he’s nervous about saying anything. He might get more comfortable the more he’s around you and if you’re starting conversations with him that’s a great way to make him more comfortable as well.
~Meghan
Hi
Im hight school student
Can u explaind to me what is the mean when i try to talk to someone,they didnt look at me and sweating her forehead??
There is a girl sit next to me that i always ask her for copy homework.
Im a super introvert person so i just her for copy only through phone
She always tell her others friends that our conversation(i think)
But sometime,i kinda pissed when she didnt look at me when talking and then swevat her forehead
Im just bout that.is
Is it means she really hate me??
P/s sorry for the bad typing
There could be many reasons such as she has social anxiety or she is sweating and nervous because she likes you. It’s hard to know without being in the situation but I wouldn’t assume that she hates you.
What about eye contact cultural reason. That’s a big issue these days
Thanks for your comment Matt. Yes, that is very true. There are definitely cultural reasons. I’m not an expert on different cultures so I can’t explain the different cultures but agree with you that there are differences there.
Thanks Can you HELP me i had aproblem un 5th grade with girl know i am14 o canton look to à girl with out showing somthing wierd so they think somthing wrong i have all problème s that you menshend now i feel lonly no girl talks to me
Hi, please talk to your parents about getting some help if you 14 years old. They will be able to get you to someone who can help you. I am not a doctor and your parents would have to give consent.
Hi, thank you for writing this article. I would like to know your take on my current “situation” regarding eye contact.
There’s this guy I’ve known for a little over a year now, but only recently have we connected as friends. However, I’m still always unsure of how he feels most of the time because he refuses to look at me.
Our friendship mainly consists of us meeting randomly and getting together for social events on occasion. All of our conversations are us poking fun at each other, never anything serious. We communicate daily on Snapchat. We have a personal handshake, and we address each other with personal nicknames. We’ve basically become pals.
Recently, however, things have felt different. In fact, I didn’t think about these things until a few nights ago when he invited me to a party at his house. As he sat there and spoke to me and another girl, he wouldn’t look at me. He wouldn’t even turn towards me. Yet he looked her in the eyes so easily. I found it off-putting and a little upsetting, like I wasn’t important enough to be part of the conversation. But it just kept happening. He would address me throughout the night, but he wouldn’t look at me. Even when drunk, he still struggled to. It made me really think and realize—he’s always been that way with me. Even back when we weren’t friends.
Later that night, things were dying down and it was time to sleep. However, before calling it a night, he crawled up next to me on the couch. He told me a very serious story about his estranged father and how he negatively impacted his life. It was the type of conversation I never thought we would have. (And during this, he turned his body away and wouldn’t even glance over.)
After his story, he laid down with me and we cuddled. I felt platonic about the whole thing, even when we were playing with each other’s fingers and intertwining our legs.
Yet now… I feel differently. I think I may be developing feelings for this guy, but I don’t want to pursue anything if I don’t know what his lack of eye contact means.
I don’t think it’s social anxiety because he is a pretty outgoing guy. He seems confident (although I know that can be faked).
It could also be because he doesn’t want to give me the wrong impression. But even when I was “seeing” his friend for a short time, he wouldn’t look at me (which leads me to believe that that’s not the case either).
What is your opinion about this?
Thanks for your comment Samantha.
To me, it seems like he may like you as more than a friend. The reasons I think so is because you were cuddling and that is a pretty good indication. I know different people may have a different take on that. But personally, I’d never cuddle with someone who I wasn’t interested in as more than a friend. That is also why I don’t think it’s not that he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression; if that were the case I don’t think he’d cuddle with you.
My thoughts are that he may be a bit afraid of being vulnerable. He told you a very personal story but it was probably very difficult for him to open up. That is why his body language was probably not turned towards you. He may be afraid of being completely vulnerable so he kept up a little shield. But, it sounds like he is taking small steps and trying to get over that by sharing personal things with you. He may be also be afraid of getting rejected so that’s why he isn’t completely being there with you (in his eye contact and body language ).
These are just some thoughts that popped into my head but it’s the impression I get from it. If you were just a friend and he didn’t feel anything and he maintains eye contact with others then why can’t he with you? That’s why I think there might be something more there and he might just be afraid of making a move. Especially if you are good friends, he might not want to jeopardize the friendship.
It’s my daughter’s second day of preschool and the teacher is already telling me she’s concerned about her speech. I talked to the TA and she said my daughter doesn’t say much. My daughter talks nonstop at home and I can understand everything she says. I noticed when the TA talks to me she doesn’t look at me and the teacher has her head down when she speak to me.
Thanks for the comment Nicola. If someone is giving you ‘bad’ news (they perceive it as bad even though it may not be) they are more likely to bow their head and not make eye contact (similar to #10). If she is talking clearly at home, I don’t think there’s anything to be concerned about. Kids can be shy, just as adults can. Your daughter is probably just a bit nervous as it’s a whole new experience for her and she is around new kids. I’d give it time; the teachers may have a better perspective after some time and when your daughter is more comfortable there.
I met a guy who is a regular at bar that I have tried to get to know. He does not even look at me much less give eye contact while he is talking with me. He initiates conversation half of the time. If a man sits next to him not only does he turn his body towards the man but he gives him eye contact. Then he usually does not talk to me the rest of the night and carries on with the other man. My cousin says he sounds like a jerk. (keeping it PG ). My thoughts were 1. he does not respect me enough to actually look at me when he speaks 2. If it continues I will make the judgement/assumption he is a misogynist.
Last week he left where he was sitting at the bar and sat next to me. He introduced me to the guy next to him. That guy had been sitting there one chair over from me since I arrived. He never once looked at me or turned his upper half of his body towards me when he talked to me but he did exactly the opposite with the guy.
When I first met him he would initiate conversations from across the bar where you could barely hear him, if you could even hear him, instead of just walking over.
His body language from observation comes across passive-aggressive and on the theatrical side at times.
I live in New England. He is from New Jersey. I am from deep southern Louisiana. All three cultures are very different.
Coming from the South I am use to men paying me “no mind” as us women say down South. It is still a cultural norm. ( as a generalization)
I guess my point is that no eye contact can also be from misogyny as well as narcissism .
Next time I am going to tell the guy if you want to talk to me respect me enough to actually look at me.
I enjoyed your article. Thank you.
Thanks for your insight Maggie. That is a very interesting scenario.
Do you think he likes you and he’s shy around you? Just a thought.
I do think it might be a good idea to ask him about it as you said, just to see what’s up as he seems to be acting quite different around you than other people.
Let me know how it goes!
My younger brother has passed away two days ago from the terrible disease called mesothelioma. We had been estranged for over 15yrs but six months ago, when they found the tumours, we got in touch again.
On one visit we were alone and for 6 hrs we just sat and spoke, not stopping for a drink or something to eat. He told me everything bad and good that had happened to him during our day’s apart and things he hadn’t shared with anyone. I felt he respected me again as his older sibling and I felt the love for him I remembered when we were children.
When he was admitted to the hospice the first few visits we chatted and embraced when I left. We always made eye contact.
The day came my wife and I dreaded. We knew we were saying our final goodbye but during the visit he wouldn’t look either of us in the eye. He had appeared very sleepy when we arrived and made no acknowledgement to me when I stood at the bottom of the bed.
Yet when one of his friends arrived he managed to look at him and his wife and move his fingers to say hello.
After a while my wife and I sat alone with him while I held his arm, stroking him with my thumb as I did so. For me it was a very moving moment but my brother continued to sleep, awaken and sleep.
Suddenly his two sons entered the room and he perked up reaching out to touch them. I looked at my wife and said I think we should go and give my brother time with his boys.
So I walked round the bed, placed my hand on his face and kisses his forehead. I told him I loved him and despite him not being religous, told him God Bless you.
I knew these were the last words I would speak to him but I turned at the bottom of the bed hoping he would look at me. Rather he was looking straight ahead and avoiding my gaze. At that moment I felt heartbroken. My wife saw it too so I haven’t made it up. He just wouldn’t look at me at all while during the previous two hrs he had acknowledged his friend and reached out to his boys. All I had wanted was eye contact.
It seems I will spend the rest of my life remembering my little brother avoiding looking into my eyes on his death bed.
I’m so sorry for your loss John💛
I could practically write a book about how this has happened to me my whole life. It’s as if people can’t wait to get away from me, or are always trying to find some reason to not give me eye contact, or their full attention. Now it doesn’t happen with EVERYONE – there are many people I’ve met who I sort of just “click” with – we talk back and forth, almost becoming instant friends. But the disturbing part is how often it really does happen – actually, so often that my boyfriend and other friends have noticed it as well.
I’ve researched and examined the topic to death, and I’ve always been a very self-aware person who pays attention to proper body language, hygiene, appearance etc. I’m not some stinky oaf with uncombed hair, a rude voice, and a miserable scowl lol. Instead, I always greet people in a friendly, upbeat manner (but not so upbeat I look neurotic). I’m a 5’3 girl with medium length brown hair, so I don’t have some sort of overbearing scary looking stature. My nature is to be pretty relaxed – a “treat people how you would want to be treated” sort of person, so it confuses me and makes me sad when others don’t act the same toward me, for no good reason.
This always happens at a convenience store by my work, where a couple times a month, I go to purchase snacks. Each time, I stand line and see the cashier look people in the eye and she’s reasonably friendly. Then I get to the counter with like 2 small items, and say hi… she proceeds to loudly slam my purchases down on the counter, then stares over the top of my head to announce the total. I pay, and say thank you – she says nothing and I walk away. It’s so creepy, I won’t even go back to the place any more. On my last visit, I caught her just glaring and scowling at me from the corner when a new (very friendly) employee was being trained at the register.
Then while camping with friends this weekend, 2 people were there who I hadn’t met yet. One was an older guy from a different camp, who seemed to instantly love everybody there – except me. When I handed a BBQ’d hotdog to my boyfriend, the old man loudly said “Are you sure she didn’t POISON it?” ??!! I mean, obviously it was a joke, but he was so friendly to all others in the group, I found it super odd that he would single me out and say something like that. The other person who was acting strange was a friend of a friend, who refused to look at me any time I spoke. He would either stare straight forward, or at someone else in the group who wasn’t saying a word! Finally, I just stopped talking when he was around because it was too uncomfortable. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have social anxiety, but around people like this, it can’t help but manifest! Sorry this is so long, but just wanted to share my experiences. It’s so frustrating!!
Thanks for the comment Chrissy. That does sound super frustrating!! I don’t blame you for trying to understand it; it is very odd.
The only thing I could think of when you mentioned the lady at the convenience store is maybe you reminded her of someone she knows that she doesn’t like?? I’ve seen people act weird around people who remind them of someone they know and I’ve too felt a bit weird when I’ve met people that reminded me a lot of someone I know.
But saying that, that’s just one thought that popped into my head and that wouldn’t go for everyone. Every situation is different and there can be so many reasons why it’s happening.
Even if someone had a dream about you, that may cause them to act a bit different. Or if you are very friendly, maybe that’s why that guy thought he could say that comment to you. He may have felt comfortable enough to joke around with you?
Those are just a few more ideas that may fit in with your situation. I hope you figure it out for your own peace of mind.
No matter what the situation is if there are more than two people in a conversation I am the one who gets no eye contact.
It amazes me when I ask someone a random question the person I asked will answer and have eye contact with someone else and complely leave me out of the conversation.
This is not a one off or people with social anxiety issues… it happens every time I am in a group of people.
I would say I am quite good at starting a conversation but again it gets picked up they run with it but that’s as far as it goes for me “no eye contact”
Can you help me understand this Meghan. It really upsets me then I get to the stage I withdraw and give up trying to be part of the conversation.
I’m sorry to hear that Isabel. That can be frustrating and confusing.
Have you noticed certain patterns when this happens? What I mean by that is it when you are talking to only females, only males or a male/female? Or is during certain situations, for example at work? See if you can see any patterns of when it is happening and if there are any times that it doesn’t happen. I know you said it happens a lot but really try to pay attention if there are times when it doesn’t happen.
Also look at the relationship between the other two people in the conversation? Do they know each other really good? Are they only acquaintances? Are they more comfortable looking at the other person because they know them better?
Also, take note of how you feel when it is or isn’t happening. If you can find a pattern, then you may be able to get to the root cause of it.
This has come up before in my work as an executive coach. Another frequent issue with avoiding eye contact is that you make the person uncomfortable (the opposite of your “they like you”. In another instance a person suffered from sleep apnea and the employee could not make eye contact because seeing their boss’s eyes closing while they were speaking- was a serious issue.
Thank you for the comment and your insights Peggy. Those are two other great reasons!
Hi Meghan,
Great article. I’ve witnessed several of these scenarios and can see where I’ve done a few myself.
A google search led me to your article because I’m trying to figure out why my new boss doesn’t make eye contact with me. She and I started around the same time so we’re both new to the company. (she started 2 weeks after I did)
I’m of the mind set that we should converse to get to know each other on a professional level. We’re both new to the company and learning our roles (her as a manager for a new team, me as the first person on the team), shes my manager so I want to work well with her.
Ever time I try to engage her in conversation she looks around me and never directly at me. If she engages me in conversation then she’ll look at me briefly and then all around me while talking. I’ve seen her interact with others, laughing, being open, looking at their face/eyes for both men and women. But she seems awkward when we engage. (It seems like she actually avoids interaction.)
Everyone else around the office is awesome and very engaging with Me. (I’m awesome,. LOL) So, what the heck is going on?
I realize there could be levels of things going on but this could help me understand it better.
Thanks for your insight.
Jon
Hi Jon, thanks for the comment. It is odd that she’d only be that way with you, perhaps #2? Or possibly because you both started at the same time it makes her feel uncomfortable for some reason? Maybe she is a bit nervous because this is a new position for her and she wants to make a good impression on you. Because you’re the first person on the team she is only like this with you and not others. I’d give it some time, if she is nervous about her new position and how she is viewed by her team members, I’m sure she’ll get more comfortable over time. I hope this helps!
Thanks for your reply and insight Meghan. It is a bit odd. And maybe it’s a mix of #2 and #5 being new to the company.
I’ve decided relax not create stories in my head about it. Just center with who I am and interact with her as anyone but maybe give her more space to express herself.
I’ll try to reply back here in a few weeks/months to let you know who it goes.
Thanks,
Jon
My understanding of this type of situation is that she inherently see’s you as her rival since you both started your identical roles at the same time.
I imagine she has envisaged an outcome wherby when a promotion becomes available for the two of you, she will do all that she can to try to claim this post even deploying an underhanded tactic.
Of course, i could be completely wrong, try to get on with her, ask her about her ambitions & perhaps this will improve your connections.
So I have a guy that tutors me. And I’ve had him in my previous semester as well. At first he would look at me a lot cos we sat across the class. But we never really talked because I had my own group. And now he is tutoring me for this class I’m taking and it’s a new semester. However I’m trying to figure out if he likes me or not because when he’s tutoring and we are in a group of 3 he is always looking at me when he explains us things and picking on me to explain what he just went over. But recently I arrived early and it was just us both. When we were talking about the class he wouldn’t make eye contact with me he would just look elsewhere and he didn’t sound bored just couldn’t maintain eye contact for longer than a few seconds. But I do want to see if his pupils dilate because he has light blue eyes and I think it be easier to observe them.
Hi Jessica,
To me it sounds like he does like you. I think he was probably more nervous when it was the two of you which is why it was difficult to maintain eye contact. If someone looks at you a lot, it is usually a good indication they like you or are interested in you in some way. Also if he picks on you in a joking, fun way that is a good sign as well.
Yes for sure check out his pupils because our pupils dilate when we are in dim light and also when we are around or thinking of someone we are attracted to.
I’d pay attention to his other body language signs as well. Is his body/chest and shoulders turned towards you? Do you notice if he feet are pointed towards you? Does he smile when he first see’s you? Is his body language open – meaning that arms are uncrossed and not in his pockets? If they are that is a sign he is interested in you.
Thanks. For responding. I have a question about the same guy. So today it was a small group he was tutoring me and my friend only. And when he was teaching us. He would explain and look at my friend and I would ask a question and he would answer but looking at my friend he would only glance in my direction at times. But the whole time he would just look at my friend direction and it was making me mad lol because I felt like he wasn’t even acknowledging I was there. And I talked to my friend about this right after and she said she noticed it. She said that when she went on a double date her friend (let’s just say Sarah) date (Sam) would look at her only and she felt bad but thing is she told me Sam liked the Sarah a lot. So it made no sense for him to be looking at my friend while he never maintained eye contact with the girl he really likes. Guys are confusing.
Thanks -Jessica
Hi Jessica,
I think he likes you, especially if he is having troubles maintaining eye contact whereas before he was looking at you a lot. He might be afraid that if he looks at you he’ll say something stupid or that you’ll know his secret (that he likes you).
I could be wrong but that is what I get from it.
Nobody ever maintains eye contact with me. I notice it in the work place, at social events, anywhere. Even at Tim Hortons just now to get my morning coffee. She looked away immedietly and never looked back once. So odd.
Nobody ever maintains eye contact with me. I notice it in the work place, at social events, anywhere. Even at Tim Hortons just now to get my morning coffee. She looked away immedietly and never looked back once. So odd, its puzzled me for years..
maybe you are too scared and it shows on your face. it is frustrating for others to talk to a scared person. and they get bored talking to a scared person. Calm yourself and your expressions, people will surely be interested.
Actually, looking at a woman’s mouth while you are speaking to her causes her to fantasize about having sex with you, so they like it. They wouldn’t say to you, “stop staring at my mouth”, because (most if not all) women like sex.
So glad you took the time to make a list. I never thought about this until 2 days ago when the mediator left me and a “friend” in the room alone. I whispered, “I’m sorry” but he didn’t respond. I turned and looked at him while he stared straight. I impulsively said, “you can’t even look me in the eye.” He responded, “I can but I don’t want to.” Thanks for #6. Most of the time he was a great guy and friend and I’m sad this happened.
Thanks for your comment! I’m sorry to hear about your friend and you. I hope it all works out for the best. I wish you all the best,
Meghan
Thanks for your comment! I’m sorry to hear about your friend and you. I hope it all works out for the best. I wish you all the best,
Meghan
Hi. I had a work meeting with 3 people.But, I looked at people only when they talk but, one of them didnt talk much so I didn’t watch or smiled directly at her. I don’t know if I was awkward but I guess I have social anxiety… 🙁 I always feel nervous when I meet people even if they are close friends
Hi Alice,
I don’t think it’s awkward to not look at the person as much who isn’t talking and to look at the others more as they are doing most of the talking. It can be more challenging to look at everyone when you are in a group setting as well I find.
Thanks for your comment Alice!
Interesting article. I’ve noticed several females avoiding eye contact with me lately. In most cases I suspect number 8 is the explanation.
Thanks for the comment Conor! Yes, I know many people don’t want to be perceived as being flirty when they aren’t trying to be so they avoid eye contact. Eye contact can cause people to be more vulnerable so they will avoid it especially if they do find someone attractive.
Hi Meghan. You said you “had” social anxiety. How did you overcome it?
Hi Erica,
Here’s an article I wrote about it https://www.infinitesoulblueprint.com/social-anxiety-overcome/
The main thing that has helped me and still helps me to this day is saying what I want to say and not holding back. Personally I find that when I hold back and don’t say what I want to then my energy becomes all imbalanced and I get anxious. When I confidently speak my thoughts, even if it’s scary at the time, it keeps me from getting nervous around others. I hope the article helps 🙂
Thanks for the comment Jordan. Those are interesting ideas!
I also look at someone’s mouth. But usually only if I have a hard time understanding the words they are saying and especially if they aren’t speaking clearly or have a thick accent. It helps me to hear everything.
I recently read that if someone is nervous or uncomfortable looking at someone’s eyes, to look at the spot in the middle of their forehead between their eyes because it appears as if you are looking them in the eyes.