Are You Looking To Others For Approval?

So often we look to other people for approval. We want others to approve of us and our choices so that it validates our worthiness. What if no one agreed with your decisions, would it make them bad decisions? Not necessarily.

No one else is in your shoes, so no one knows what you are experiencing and why you choose to do the things you do. Therefore, others might not approve because they don’t have the same vision you do. It’s not a good idea to constantly look to others for approval.

Do You Use Social Media to Get Approval?

How does it feel when you post something on Facebook and you don’t get one like? If it has never happened to you before, take a moment to think about how it would feel. It wouldn’t feel very good.

It’s ok to want others to ‘like’ it but when you are doing it just for the thrill to see how many likes you can get you give your power away. You are basically depending on others to approve of what you are sharing so you feel good.

The ultimate self-empowerment is posting something with absolutely no expectation of how others will react. If you don’t get one ‘like’ and you are cool with it, that’s all that matters. Take your power back, don’t constantly look to others for approval.

Do You Structure Your Decisions Based on What You Think Others Will Think of You?

When you wake up in the morning and get dressed do you think “I will look good in this outfit” or “John will like this outfit, so I’ll wear it.” The ladder represents someone who is looking to another for approval. Even if you don’t like the outfit you wear it to impress somebody else. The outfit doesn’t represent who you truly are so you will be impressing them will a false pretense. This is a minor example, but it flows to all areas of your life.

I was going to meet a friend the other day and I put on my purple lipstick. This friend is a great friend and very honest. I wondered if she’d say something about my lipstick if she didn’t like it. I almost took it off, so I didn’t get any negative feedback, and then I thought “what am I doing? I need to OWN this look.” So, I kept the lipstick on. I stopped looking to another for approval and only looked to myself for approval.

Do you make decisions based on what others will think even if it’s not right for you? Let’s say you are invited to an event by a co-worker, but you already have plans to hang out with your sister that day.

Do you break the plans with your sister to go to the co-worker’s event? You know your sister already loves you but you want to try and impress your co-worker so she will like you more.

That is structuring a decision based on what another will think. You should do what you want to do. Also, it’s not cool to break plans even if it is with someone who you see often.

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Why it is NOT a Good Idea to Constantly Look to Others for Approval

1. It Can Make or Break What You Are Trying to Achieve by Taking Away Your Hope

Hope is one of the stronger driving forces to accomplishing big goals. If you get it taken away, it can make or break what you are trying to achieve.

For example, let’s say you go to someone about an idea you have. You are close to this person and you value their opinion. After hearing you out they tell you they don’t like your idea and they don’t think it will work. You were excited and eager for someone else to support you and as soon as they tell you what they think you get this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. They essentially took away some of your hope and your drive to succeed.

Now you are going to be questioning your plan and going into it with a little less confidence. Thanks to the great Universal Law of Attraction, what you think about and feel you get. So now you aren’t quite attracting the same promising circumstances you would have if you never had this person plant that negative seed in you. Not everyone will be unsupportive, but do you really want to take the chance of seeking approval for an idea if it’s possible they will have a negative reaction?

2. If Someone Doesn’t Like Your Idea You Feel Bad

Feeling bad isn’t fun and no one wants to feel bad. Let’s say you tell someone your idea and they don’t react how you expect them to. In fact, they think that what you’re doing is a horrible idea. You would feel bad!  If this person was excited, you would feel great. But you never know how someone else will react even if you know them well.

I know that I often make decisions from my gut and don’t use rational thinking and others don’t always understand that. But I know it is the right decision.

Know that others do not know what goes on in your head and why you do the things you do so they won’t always agree. Stay confident and NEVER do what someone else thinks you should do if you don’t agree with it. Your decisions have to feel right for you.

3. It’s No One Else’s Business What You Do with Your Life

It really is no one else’s business what you do with your life. That’s cool if you want to share your ideas but you have no obligation to do so and no one should expect you to. Others should respect your decision to share what you want and keep what you want to yourself.

Sometimes it’s fun to have an idea that is all yours for a while. You can dream about it and envision how it will all play out without the peanut gallery giving their two cents. If someone is bugging you to share something that you don’t want to, politely let them know that when the time is right you will share your idea with them.

Conclusion: Are You Looking to Others for Approval?

Constantly looking to others for approval can have a positive or a negative impact. If you are looking to others for approval, make sure to be really confident in your idea first.

People can sense when you aren’t confident and that might sway how they react to your news. They might feel your lack of confidence and therefore not have a great opinion of your idea.

Always trust that how you feel about something is the best way to gauge if what you are doing is a good idea.  Check-in with your gut for all your decisions. We tend to use our heads and need to learn how to use our hearts more for the decisions we make. This will allow you to keep your power which will positively affect the outcome of what you are trying to accomplish.

~Meghan